I Love You This Much

Its been weird these days.Im getting weaker and weaker.Why? Oh well , Syahierah Ahmad Samsudin tried her best to match me with whom i loved , Fluorine or Potassium .All i get is potassium . wtf ? well , we laugh alot in school while waiting for my girlfriends to have their PDS.I express my feelings to ierah and all she does , LAUGH ! hmm , but its okay ... my feelings is quite complicated to express . Seriously its hard to let your heart decides and express your feelings when you mixed feelings with the one you love now and the one you loved before.But now , Syahierah can understand my feelings all this while . Thankyou my dearest Bestfriend :D Since the day you texted Fluorine , Im quite having that bad feeling .Yaknow , sundays tomorrow , and if he knows im dead .Actually not quite dead,i may not know he could MINE or not.My heart is beating very fast when he gets to know who.

Thats what i feel rite now.Although theres no other girl with him , but thats the way im expressing it . He looks at me as if im happy and cheerful girl , but when i look into his eyes , i feel a blade cuts right through me.

Im breathless without you

Its driving me crazy & its getting me mad . My heart cant decide who to choose ; Flourine or Potassium . Hmm , thanks to Ierah .. she tried her best to prove who im perfect with . Well , mostly Potassium . But sorry , potassium is just a friend of mine . Flourine , well , what can i say ; i just loved him more that i love myself . Now , i getting weaker and weaker .Its like You give me the love i want and you tresure my love back mostly :D But since i didnt spent time with you in 2 weeks , its feels as if you took away my love and sent it to someone else . Its a pity . Didnt you realize Flourine , Im very weak rite now . Too weak to go to school . Please , i need a hand . Could you be there when im in need ? Im too weak . Understand me Flourine , im getting more weaker and weaker each day . Is it about you im breathless or am i just getting more weaker becoz of much work ? Haiisss , Saturday is still long to come . Pls i just struggling about your respond . I dont wanna get hurt :(

 To be Continued ..

I'll carry in my Heart

Weak . Useless . Plain . Struggling .
Thats not even me . Im getting more weaker and weaker each time i cares . What am i doing ?
Why is my world turning upside down ? Well , alot of problems are starting to get on my nerves .
Im feelin' kinda plain and empty rite now .Its a sad thing to lose a loved ones the only one you were closed to . Its never been the same since he left . Just one question my Dear Tuhan , Why Him ? . He's my only hope to make me have the strength to success .ONLY HIM . He cares for me like since im small and he's the only one that i kept thinking in my mind . Not my mum and siblings . JUST HIM . I just wish i can have him back . He's the only who supports me and have the courage to make me feel success in life . Just for the sake of Love & care , i guess i'll just carry on and carry him in my heart . Whenever i see a star shining brightly in my eyes , Its hime alrite :D

Since You've Been Gone ,

Whats wrong with my Life ? am i in wrong ? .. people like to get mad for no reason . Yes , there ARE alot of reasons , but you must also understand other peoples situation : especially my mum. Everything i do it affects her madness .im having mestruation , she went mad . im doing homework , she went mad .Pls , no more misery in my life ! You've never given me any support . Whatever i do , YOU ALWAYS GONE MAD ! if you dont want me to be successful in anything i do , then why sent me to school ?! Why ask me to study if you doesnt want me to ? im trying my best to prove to that i can study while working . IM TRYING ! But instead you blame my work all time ! after school , i go home straight . Yes i went to sleep bacause i want my eyes to be freshed after school so that i can do my homework at night without getting sleepy , But when i wake up .. you nag all the way , AND BLAME MY WORK ! What's wrong with you ? Now you dont want to be responsible of me anymore right ? Then , dont try to stop me in everything i do . Yeah im working , because i want to help you all so that we wont be tooo poor . But in the end what , i gave half of my salary to you .. and you went blaming my work ??! Is that what you call APPRECIATE MUM ?! isn't it ? Dont ever tell me that im too young too worry , But sorry mum , YOU ARE MAKING ME WORRY . If dad was still here by my side , he would just support me . He would never stop me ! But you are stopping me . Stopping me from school , Stopping me from work and Stopping me from SUCCESS! If you dont love me anymore , i can just leave the house and stay where ever i want . Whatever it is , i have to be responsible of myself . Money , Food and school items , i have to search with my own eyes .  I have to study more harder .Oh and mum , I skip my work just to study hard . Dont think im getting more slacking cause im also trying to prove to my subject teachers too . Not only you , mum . Pls try to understand my situation . You look at me as if im still ok and fine , But try to look the opposite side . I have to wake up early like 4.30 am just to cook for myself to bring to school and eat ; only if i had no money . And i had no money all the time . I had to wait until school was dismissed , go home all the way and eat at home .AND SOMETIMES MUM , YOU NEVER COOK ?! SEE DONT TRY TO BLAME ME ... IM VERY POOR FROM YOU ALL . POORER THEN YOU AND MY SIBLINGS . Dad , i want you back . I want your live to be filled with happiness again . If only you were here , we could already have a complete family and thats a happy one . But since you've been gone , Family has broken to pieces . IM SCARED DADDY . IM TOO SCARED TO LIVE A BROKEN FAMILY.
If only you were still alive , we could already plan to go on a family outing together . Happily ever after .

What If Love is Hell to me ..

Im scared . Totally scared .
I fell in love with a guy . He's protective of me , caring , sweet , understanding and loving . Everywhere he goes , he wants me to be by his side . And when i goes , i REALLY want him by my side . I truly love him . I dont wanna leave by his side .But , everytime i think of him , i feel plain . i feel like as if im being hurt by him someday .But thats not him , THAT IS NOT TRUE !..
Everytime i see his face , i feel like " i am being hurt rite now , but what ? " . I just dont understand my choice even i dont understand myself . I know there are alot of guys out there searching for their own love mates ,but im only gonna stick to him . He's one of kind .He treats me as if im his girlfriend , but i don know about him . Im just scared that he might say " im just treating her as my friend thats all , not more " , thats the worst part . Sometimes , Love can be fantasy .. it can also be scary . To me , im just scared of his respond . Whatever it is , i really want him to know that i love him , but can he accept my love even if im dying for your love ? ..

To be Continue ...

I love my Bestfriend no matter what ..

                     We're back again ! Im sorry and I Love You Dear :DD
                     I'll always forgive you , No matter what ..

I cried twice today ;((

First Cry , i cried because of my kakak angkat . I prayed and prayed till i cry hard . Tears runing down one by one and seconds by seconds . It really hurts when i hear my love ones in pain . I cant take it . Every tears rolling down my cheek , there's always a lesson tought .Dont wanna stare in your eyes cause it will appear fire .

" Ya Allah , tolonglah sahabatku ya Allah . Berikan die semangat dan kekuatan untuk melawan penyakitnya . Ku lemah mendengar keadaannya begitu rumit . Berikan sokongan kepadanya . Adakah dia patut terima balasan ini ? Maafkan lah kesalahan nya Ya Allah . Ku tidak mahu dia pergi . Amin "

Friends are always be your side

Im not in the mood to post . But i have something to share . People are made of different type , but thats not the point . My point is , Friends . Friends are here to help . Friends are here to support . Most important , Friends will always be there for you . From sec 1 , your my favourite kakak  . you tell me all your secrets to me and share all your experience to me . I always sent you to a nearby bus stop just after school .  I really miss that . But now , why ? you've got your illness and you never tell me ? Why did you keep a secret ? If you think that when you tell me your situation , i will flee from you ? doesnt want you anymore ? No . I wont flee , i wont leave . I understand people have illness . Some of my Bestfriends does . But that doesnt mean , im not taking of them and leave them alone in the cold . Even though you cant tell people your illness , but someday they will know . Now i've known your illness .. Lives wouldn't be so easy now . You're going worst and thats what im worry about you . Only the three of us knows it . ONLY THREE . Its sad to hear your situation , cause it cant be cured easily .I only wish you knew what i meant . And im kinda worry about your presence . Pls , let me give you a big hug just to prove i care and love you , my kakak . you're different from others , but you're one of a kind in my heart .