A song to make ..

                       I Just need someone to teach me how to play Guitar coz im making a song :(            

15 years since ..

Hello.Nothing much to post . But i kinda sad cause ... let me tell you .


Its been 15 years since i've never ever got invited to go raye with friends . Im kinda sad about that . This year i thought it will be much happier than other years buts its all the same . It has never been the same since my daddy went away . He's just too precious in my life . When he's around , he always accompanied my life and a whole new family together forever . But my thought when wrong til' God takes him away . This year , Nobody invite me to go out for raye . No One . Its a sad thing . All my bestfriends and my other friends have all the fun they need while i , just waiting at home until someone turns up on me . But no one did . I just think that im not important anymore . Not important at anyone or anybody . All i get was the loneliness . The darkness came and scare me . I guess ppl just used me for no reason . Cause i've always felt that i have no true friends to lean on . Nobody proves me that they can be part of me . But no one did . Im sorry . I've always get hurt by others and always felt all the pain while others jolly have they time .


Huda):

Its Him Again !

Wee Kit Wee Kit  ! i was damn bored yesterday when my brother's friends came my house ..They watching my favourite show sey " Jangan Pandang Belakang Congkak " . they watching half of it .. and all i do waiting for they to brambos from my house . Alamak spoiler lahh dorang . Hehehe but i was ' ShockSendiri ' at my room . all i do i msg some of friends but some nvr reply only one replied back . I went " OMG ! HE REPLIED ? ALAMAK AKU LUCKY LAHH ! ATLAST ! WOOHOOO ! " .. and my sis went "WhatTheHell" .. Yeah , HE finally msg me ! i was happy .. cant believe it . well , we msg from 9 pm to 12 pm .. and he said he havent go home yet bcoz he go raye . so late lah dey ! and also you sick somemore .. haiya ! well , i told him to eat medicine but all he says he lazy . So i cannot force him lohh . Of course so late why would i not go to sleep rite ? so i told him anything msg me if he's bored coz i also get easily bored .. and he replys me and call me " SweetHeart" .. OMG  *meltingmeltingmelting*   Hmm , Such a sweet guy .. But i cant gurantee now . Must get to know him more first .

To my Dear H ,

Get well soon aites ? Hoped we can keep continuing our friendship . Haha i know we are not some kind of Joker to entertain each other , But the way you entertain me makes me smile widely :) i know you tired of going home late .. But sleep well aye .. Eat medicine okaes ! :)

It has been awhile since you've changed ..

This is to Hanis Jamaludin ..

Hey Hanis :) whatsup ? hmm , guess you're kinda busy but i have something to say . Im telling this bcoz i don wanna talk behind about you . You're a good friend of mine , But somethings bout you i have to let out . Its good thing that you're back with mahirah and others just because of one small misunderstanding . But between me and you , I cant even understand much . Jyeah you tagged me a photo of us and say that we shared our sadness and laughters .. You think is that soo , i just dont think its that .Remember when me , syaziani and you walking up the stairs , you push me aside and walk with syaziani and talk with her. You push me as if im okae with it . But im not . You push me like you dont want me anymore .. i always dont have that feeling of being hatred at you and im always care and concern in your ways.But what happen ?Its like your just using me . You dont have a friend you search me , and i have said to you that whenever you're alone just go with me . But when you have your friends , you put me aside . What is this ? I seriuosly doesnt want to fight with you but you always make me hurts while you didnt realise it . When me or syaziani is in wrong , yeah you corrected us and we try to change it back . But when your in wrong , we said the fact and all you do is whined up as if your not wrong . When we say is really true , you like to say you never do anything . Please lah Hanis , everyone has its own ' kekurangan ' .. i just dont understand .. And one thing , when i expressed all my sad problems to you , i was very serious . im not even joking around . But why when i try to share my problems and express all my feelings to you ,you went laughing . What so funny anyway ? i was serious and you laugh ? but when its your turn who is facing the bad problem , now you told us that you're serious .. its not fair hanis . Not Fair enough , I understand you all this while , and you just made me go blasting . If we understand you , Why cant you understand us ? .. Im sorry i said this .. And if you're reading it now , i hoped i get my old Hanis back . The Nur Hanis Binte Jamaludin back . 

Love , 

Nurulhuda 

Rumours World & Si Gangster Kaloi

" Nope , not going any further more " . He told me everything what he felt towards me . Read it for 3 times makes me smile like in Heaven . He told me he treat me only as a friend .. Its true ! all this while i've been feeling that sense .. its all the fact . Yeah , from the start i've never treat him more then friends .. Not more . But his friends keep asking " hows the two of you ? " .. WTH ? . That makes me rounding in my mind . But my true feelings are always right .Told you Earthlings out there , i can judge guys . How can i be with him when he's still attached ? Yeah , he's only my friend . Its fair , he treat me a friend , so do i treat him the same . Why must ppl think that i have the intention to treat him more ? . Btw , i told his girlfriend alrite . I told the truth . I rather told the truth than keep it a secret . I cried saying all that doings of mine to her . I told everything to her . And she said , " its okay i understand huda , i understand you .. I don mind you posting all that to your blog . Cause your just expressing what you feel . Dont worry .. :) " she told me that way . I gave a shocked look at her .. Seriously ?! .. Even she told me to put his picture back if only i loved her as my kakak . She's my kakak since sec1 and i just cant live without her :) .. and i dont know what to do ! He told me to delete his picture away , while she told me to put his picture back . I dont know . Weird =.=

Went to Guilin with these cute couples .. What a great view :) & also took some pictures ..

HEHEHE :)

Cute couples

Myself & ierah

Passing the fish to ierah

Hiassshh .. No life tkde kerje . Nk tangkap ikan kaloi pulak -.-

Rahehee , i like the view at Guilin , relaxes my mind and soul . Cant believe until i want to go again . But someday with who ? O.O
Si No Life tk habes2 nyanyi lagu die " Si Ikan Kaloi " . Aku tk phm Lipas . ' Gangster Kaloi ' okae jugak ngan kao .  Muahahaha :DD

Studies 1st , Friends 2nd

Dear Diary , 

                  Oh my ! Tomorrows school .. im not even ready yet cause i will be very rushing this 2 weeks . Well , cause i planned my schedule already and i want to follow up what i've planned . Of course some events will be deleted and postponed , but this time i seriously need to catchup and  to what my head is in to ; SCHEDULE . Some things i need to do this week .. very busy ,

1. Homeworks , some done but not yet fully finished .

2. I guess , 1 week holiday is too LONG enough for me to wait for school to reopens ..

3. Well , need to erase off my eye-bags .. Cause it makes me wanna sleep in class everyday ..

4. Havent yet get an ATM card ( just in case )

5. This 1 week , having Maths consultations NON-STOP ; revising back old topics

6. Buy 3rd Sergeant rank & bring no.3 blouse for sewing 

7. No loiterings and going home late ..

8. Staying late at night atleast until 1 am 

 ....

Lotz more ..

So Bestfriends , dont say i dont wanna spent with you guys or what ..

Its just that i need to concentrating my studies more andand i dont wanna fail tis time ..

Sorry :( .. Pls Understand ...

                            

                                                                                                                              Love , 

                                                                                                                              Huda Abdullah :)

If only God takes her away ..

Heyhey ! Its Day2 of Raye . Just wanna wish Selamat Hari Raye to all Muslim ppl !
  
Selamat Hari Raye Aidilfitri , Maaf Zahir & Batin ..



Yesterday went to my father's family.Get alot of collections .. Total up of $50 .. But havent yet add up todays collection andand friends collection ! WOW .. tis year's raye more superb ! Take photos only of my family .. Well i cried when i seek forgiveness with mum . But before that i watch a show , its very sad . Well of course i cried but i try to hold my tears on .. Hmm seriously that show wakes me up and realize that " Mothers are always the best in us , Doesnt matter what comes in our way cause She's always there to wait for you and always accompanies your life forever until God takes her away " .. People tends to lie to mum , take her for granted , doesnt follow her words .. well , its sins . Your heart is always feeling like its fine and okae .. But if you feel deeply , its hurting . You might not feel its hurting you , but its hurting HER . To all Muslim people , dont ever make your mum cries cause what lies beneath her foot its Heaven . Do what its the best for her if only when shes gone ...





Even Siti Nurhaliza sings this song , she cries and she sings it from her own heart ..

it reminds me of you..

What is on your thoughts ; will it be on my heart ?

Its hard to judge my feelings
when i nvr do anything ..
Your keeping something from me behind
Until you came into my mind .
I dont know what to do anymore .
Cause im feeling the dry pain'ing .
Just jolly well treat me differently ..
That something is making me wait'ing
Please give answers so i can be in peace
So that your heart will rest with ease
Are you prepared to what you have to say
Please dont make me do this until i have to go away
Cant stand that feeling you gave me to hint
i can only say " i dont know what is it "
Tell me the truth to what you are feeling now
So that i dont have to ask everyone "how?"
What is the feeling you wanted me to feel
i dont know what is it but its real
Is it the way you wanted it to be
or is it me who just imagining in my dreams
Dont ask me to get closer to you
only once if you say " i love you "
then i'll believe that my thought is true
that my mind is always missing you :)
Prove me if you wanted me
Prove me in a thousand times
once you make my heart feel it
then i can treasure you forever just once
Staring at the window with my headphone on
Playing my favourite music videos of all time
Looking back the times that rewind
i just hope it wont be the last time
Again its me who thinks its you
And they will ask , " Hows the two of you ? "
" i dont really get what you're saying "
"We are just friends , dont you get it ? "
I have the sense of you keep staring at me
Are you thinking something missing .. that relates to me
If only you came to me and ask me something ;
"Will you always be there for me ?"
Dont ever say i dont want you in my life
My heart is stuck by the feeling of mine
Tell me something that i wanna hear
Then i can tell you what are my answers
If you were really to like me ,
Tell me in a calming tone ..
Dont make my heart burst
that will make things worst ..
If you were to ask me for patch ,
i dont know what to do
" prove me something to what you're saying ,
anything that will make my heart feel YOU "
If i were to accept you ,
will you gain our love ..
Keep things in mind..
I dont wanna rewind
If i ever accept you in my heart ,
will my door ever closes ?
Make something impossible
Before it turns August ..
If one day , you wanna leave me ..
dont go away before you hug me
Please dont say goodbye
Cause i dont wanna leave you alrite..
Back to realiti, what do you want ,
Give me a hint that you cant..
Your actions are making me confuse
And i dont wanna Abuse you ..

You're the Cause of my Confusion

Hmm , he's making me confuse . Questions are rounding in my head ; Should i ? Would i ? Must i ? ... hmm , im Stuck . Stuck in a forest with 2 path ways . But which one to go ? Go the new route .. or the old one ? The new one doesnt mean its better the the old one , but sometimes old ones can be better than the new one . Could it be that bad ? ... Stuck ! Dear god , pls give me a signal which one to pick ..  i dont wanna live with 2 different happiness . Im confused rite now . Confused ! i know its not worth thinking abt boys too late , but its part of our life .. and love makes our life complete even though life wouldnt be too perfect . Im stuck and confuse in a Love Triangle . Yeah , im in love with a new love but i can feel that special feeling between the old love . hmm , eventhough i cant take that feeling to emotional . Bcoz he has his own girl . But yknow what ? His girl doesnt make him happy as what he wants . Why doesnt he realised ? yeah bcoz he wants to lastlong .. My bestfriends boyfriend keep asking me if he were to like me back , if he would patch wit me , would i accept .. All i can say  " I DONT KNOW " ... i dont know ! i dont know !well alot of questions are running in my head ...

~ If i he were to like me back , what should i do ?

~ If he wants to patch wit me back , should i accept ?

~ If he were the really to ask me patch , would everyone agrees ?

~ If he were the one i've been looking for , would he treat me well more than his ex ?

~ If i were to go wit him , will i be his one & only girlfriend in his life ?

~ If he is the one for me , would he leave me again someday ?

......

Well ....... i can only answer ; "I DONT KNOW"

I starting to cry inside .. Cause these questions reminds me of our past times , romantic times , love times , bad times .... Its killing me deeply . Well everytime i get close wit you , i can feel that special feeling within us ,          but i cant conferm i can take it and treasure it all my life .. it depends on you . You nvr loved me , and you left me alone ... How could i not forget that ? .. Pls just tell what to do . I cant take it anymore .. You had your girl .. But its like your trying to prove me that you still love me .. Is it true ? pls , i can only say one thing .. You take the Love or you leave it .. If you want .. PROVE . Prove me you still love me & you wan me .. But if you dont , then TREAT ME ONLY AS A FRIEND . Treat me only your friend , not more ..But pls , dont make my life full of confusion , your the cause of my confusion ... and that confusion its hard to judge ..

Im sorry but you either TAKE IT or LEAVE IT .. 

Happiness is not beyond my Expectations ..

                         Its all have been said ; my Happiness ends right here and right now ..

                                              Happiness is tearing from my Daily List of Life ..

Sitting on a bench alone is soo much painful when no one is around to accompany ..

                                Keeping painful problems and hurtful secrets just between me & my Life ..

Just a Girl drown by Tears

Its been 1year and a half  of  living in a miserable life ..Cant you see people ? everyday , i just kept staring and thinking . Why cant i have peace ??? all i can think is my life is full of pain and loneliness .

Is it time to say Goodbye ? Must i have no friends...

                                                         Cause im all left alone in the dark .

Asal dngn aku ? Salah ke aku ?  ..  it's killing me inside  .  People out there who thinks what i pose it all seems emo , you dont noe what im going through rite now  .  you'll never noe . My heart is going through all the pain , strugglings , kilings , cryings , abandons , alone  .  I cant let my whole feelings to you , even my bestfriends  .  I felt i no longer had friends nor bestfriends  .  I felt it all day  .  No one to understand my feelings deeply , everyone making me more stresser , went home alone everyday , everyone left me alone  .  What happened to my happiness ? all i do is going through the tears and loneliness  .  I nvr get to feel how extremely happy this term  .  People are making my life difficult . Why cant i have the happiness back ? Why am i having all the tears ? Why cant i live in peace ? Why cant i enjoy life eventhough life is only once to feel ? All those bad times , makes me stuck in life . I cant go on like this . Im starting to lose my friends , the love i gave , the effort i put in , the help i gave  ...  its like as if it just a dream . why ? why is it happening to me ? i cant go on . i cant go on giving a fake smile , a fake laugh , a fake life , a fake happiness , fake actions , and a fake feelings  .  No one is to takecare of me , take concern of  ...  everytime i share my feelings to one of my bestfriends  ..  they will just answer me "LOL" i do want to do this everyone  .  i don wanna  .  Its not worth it  .  The only question a ask to myself , " Should i say goodbye ? to all my friends and bestfriends  ..  should i ? " .  Now , my life has no one to gave me the support to stand and live . im too weak to stand , to breathe , to live . tears kept rolling down my cheeks . Im left all alone  .  No one to love  .  and No one to enjoy  .  Could this be my end of happiness  .......